Time

Time is our greatest gift.

Time is our greatest commodity and yet it is the biggest thing that we want to waste. We wish that tomorrow will come. We wish for Spring. We wish that……….’something’ will be over.

We use time as form of discipline. How many of us put our children on time out; sending them to their room or to sit on the ‘naughty chair’. Now I agree that ‘time-out’ can be an effective form of discipline and I am certainly not advocating other forms of corporal punishment. How do we know that the tantrums from a toddler are not the cries for attention or the need to be with be with you? What I am advocating for is the use of time in a manner that will prevent discipline issues and will definitely improve relationships with our kids.

We all lead hectic lives in one way or another. We have work and meetings and shopping and cleaning and baseball and….etc. I for one spend a lot of time each day for my children. But can I say that I spend a lot of time with my children.

During softball/baseball season we run all over town almost every day of the week. Practices, games, T-ball and then other activities such as Scouts and church groups. We are very busy fulfilling the schedule of children’s activities and still maintain our list of items as employees and parents, husbands and wives. After we have finished ferrying our children to three different places on the same night, do we spend the time to listen and enjoy the enthusiasm of how well they played at first base or the line drive in the second inning. I know that when my teenager is excited she talks and talks and talks and the rambling is usually that fast that it is difficult to understand the detail of what she is saying. I have to admit that I know that I should pay more attention to the detail but I really am enjoying the fact that she is excited and willing to tell me all about it!

The other issue that I have with the use of time is the pressure that we put on ourselves and how quickly a situation can deteriorate.

The other day my little girl was driving herself nuts and getting louder, something to do with her socks not fitting right. I am usually at work at this time of the morning, but today I was off to do things around the house. It was 6.15 in the morning and my 6 year old was letting the world know she was struggling with her socks. My wife was busy with the other kids and we where all rushing to get ready so as not to miss the school bus. I did not understand with six pairs of socks on the floor why she was having such a hard time and my building stress did not improve the situation. Those moments are not the time to have a discussion about socks. However, later in the day it was important to spend some quiet time to understand the problem and to explain that freaking out does not help.

The same with teenagers. Most of the time they do not want to talk about things and will normally go from calm to explosion in seconds. We need to spend more time and allow the child to talk to us about anything. Give them the ability to express themselves. If there is an outburst or situation that requires discipline then go ahead and do that. At some point later it is important to spend time to discuss the situation.

There is no worse trigger for me from a child than to hear the words “I’m Bored”. It immediately sets me on edge and the statement never fails to arrive when you are in the middle of doing something. However, I am trying to teach myself that those are the instances when it is better to stop, show that you are listening and try to understand why they are bored. It is not your job to find them something to do or be their social secretary. It may be that all they really want is to spend some time with you. What could be better?

Grab your child when they are not busy, before the ‘I’m bored’ statement and go for a walk or ask for help with something, go get groceries together. The point is to spend time together and figure out what is going on.

I read somewhere that it is important to allocate one-on-one time with each of your children. I do not think it is a good idea to schedule an event or make a big deal. I would rather go for a walk with the dog and take my son and chat about all kinds of things. Have a boys only or girls only time.

I am confident that we are missing a lot from our kids with our busy lives. We need to make a conscious effort to slow down, listen, and spend time in an effort to understand.

It never ceases to amaze me that when I do spend time with my kids, how much I learn, I realize that their personalities are growing. Really what great kids they are!